I won't become bitter

And I won't blame because there's no winner here

It's just time to move on

And that's okay

Because this did mean some thing once

You will always be my taste of the rainbow

And I'll always care

Just from a distance now

I don't think I deserve to be the one that cries anymore

It's just routine now

And I don't know how to explain that 

Sometimes I understand intimately all the directions your mind flows

Then there are the times you make no sense that I can compare to

We're not this or that

And fuck you 

But don't ever stop loving me

Please 

I need reassurances you don't know how to give

They were seeing her through my eyes of love

Didn't you know?

I do understand you

Maybe not completely 

Not in every way

But better then the ways you think 

We can't just redo the way we were

And we never knew how to be anything different

You taste so good

I can retreat back into you without a thought

Yet I know you use my shelter because you're scared of what's out there

Not because that's where you want to be

And I encourage that because I crave the hero attention

Which isn't fair to you because you don't need a savior

Just the confidence of what you have inside

I didn't hold back honesty, just made up my own versions

And I don't think you've ever told me truths, just things you thought I wanted

We are this

Just this

And you are deep inside me

In ways left unnamed

But I'm still searching for the broken pieces of me to paste back together

You're the watching of my favorite movie on worn out VHS tape
The static during the opening scene
Familiar in it's imperfection
You ingrained yourself into the replay value of my memories

You're the passage from the book with dogeared edges and wrinkled pages
I stared down the words as goose bumps raised my flesh, mouthing every word

You're the playing of that lonely album
I never learned an instrument or how to hit a vocal high
But give me an hour and I'll feel out every chord, sound out every note
You dance in my dreams to the pounded out sounds

You're the scrape of this pen, the tap of these keys
As I manipulate thoughts to paper
Rushing of emotion aimed at a point
Journals full of things labeled 'you'

You're hiding in every outlet I have
Escape just binds me closer to you

Double Play

I've know there's something about you since you first came along

And I spent a long time trying to tame the urge to shout it out to everyone I met

But I am selfish

I didn't want people to know all the things you are

Because they would take you away from me

And I wanted so bad to keep you

I'm sorry

All eyes are staring at the clown in me

But they're seeing this smile upside down

You can't see behind this painted on image

Is it funny now?

I'm losing the parts of you in my life
Slowly you fade into whispers of moments I'm not sure happened
And the realisation comes I don't know you anymore
I'm losing my grip which I once held so tight
Easing the cramps from my fingertips
I can hear the silence of shouts that don't penetrate anymore
I'm losing the ache I held so dear
Thinking it somehow made us more
You always seemed happier in my heart

I've sat with a pen in my hand for hours trying to create something that makes me worth it
Because once in my life little scrapes of paper kept me afloat
And maybe I wanted to remind myself that is possible
So what does it mean when I can't even be honest with a piece of paper
I'm in need of obsessive reassurances
And I can't find enough ways to say 'fuck you'

There's a chasm in my chest splintering the parts of me I want to be
And I'd throw a rope to the other side if you'd just find the time to secure it to something steady
Give me the chance to find the balance to walk the tightrope back and forth between both sides
It's such a deadly crawl when I use the empty riverbeds below