It could happen

If I'm clumbsy are you still going to find me sexy?

Thoughts

Stop looking to others to qualify your creations, they are for you not them.

In a moments notice

Some things take forever to learn and the evolution of certainty left me wanting but out of all the attempts to love I've never been more secure as when your smile hits my ears and there's a constant urge in me to protect and possess everything you are, there is the person I was and who I will now become because of each breath I breathe in a world where you exist, my tragedies and transgressions of yesterday took me here where I offer my heart with unsure hands in hope, and therein lies the difference.

part 2

Do you remember any of our conversations?

Things I already know answers to

I wonder if you still stay awake at night with your nightmares
I remember when I was there to chase them away for you
I hope someone is with you, holding you in their arms and keeping you safe like I was always supposed to

Late night thoughts

As fucked up as everything is

How fucked up I've made it

Your added contributions to that

How extremely despairing our situation is and will remain

You are still the girl that gives meaning to my heart, captivates all my senses

You are my proof everyday

And after all this time I still smile every time I think about you

Every time I think about us

So I'd like to know...

I can't tell if it's me trying to get out or if it's something trying to get out of me.

Memories are real

There's a reason we can't go back
So we don't get lost to all that could have been
It's not a flaw in the design
It's the built in warning
That we can remember our past

To change our future

A retelling

The things you know are coming because you can't take your eyes away
And the things that take you by surprise because you didn't know where to look

I think of people as times of day

Forgive my moments of weakness

They're not about getting away

But trying to find something tangible to hang onto

Sometimes I feel like we found this too soon

That fate tangled our strings

That we were meant to meet much later then this

How can you be shown your heart and have it beat so far away

Road maps and distance don't seem that hard

'let's run away together'

I just want to be where you are tonight

Dreams are all I have of you

And it's bittersweet because I fall asleep to find you every night

But morning is the worst part

And no matter how I try to push it back it always comes

Every time I have to remember you're not there

Frozen tears burning scars down my cheek

I feel your phantom touch within everything I do

It's carving patterns of ache into my chest

There's so many things I'd write just for you

I chased a white rabbit, hid behind bushes and trees each time he turned around, Every tic of his gold pocket watch echoing through my stance, he wouldn't be so elusive if I could just say hello

I've been thinking about death a lot lately
Not causing it, not dealing with it
But that I'm already dead

I clenched a tack in my fist yesterday
I have yet to feel it

I can't tell if I'm defining myself through other people
Or if I have to use them to simulate feeling within me

Remember that playground ride
Spinning around in circles
Again and again
Faster and faster
Laughing and screaming
It always made me sick
I hated that thing
I rode it all the time