She follows me where ever I hide
I think I hate her for that

The countdown is getting harder the closer you come

I've blanked out what happens after the return flight

I don't want to discover how to say goodbye

I know I haven't told you yet

But where you go, I go

And when you follow your dreams to the opposite coast

I'll be meeting you there

Meaning doesn't exist in a world where you are anywhere other then my arms

There is no expectation of this fixing all of life's problems

But it will fix the one that shreds me apart countless times a day

You were never a choice I made but what my heart already knew

Falling without intent

Home, I'm coming home

What if I only exist in words?

There is more then a big part of me that wishes I could turn off my tongue

I hate how I know the exact words to say to make them feel special 

Weaving crosswords to honey her in

Make you need me but not want me

Answer me how to believe in this when I've already created the end

I am the most self destructive person you will ever meet

Because I reflect back at you whatever you project at me to be

Light late night thoughs

Trying to find peace in all the things I let go of too soon, and meaning in everything I held onto for too long, near misses I took for granted, breathes I forgot to take, each tear that blinded the future, the girl that held me responsible for the way things went and the one that didn't remember to look back, how truth and lies can be the same thing at different times, when fighting morphs into laughter and back again, faith is questionable and that love is rarely forever, people never change and change is constant; fucking mix messaged cliches, I can't remember a nap I've regretted, sex doesn't get you pregnant sperm does

I am incapable of erasing these thoughts

How do I tell you I failed

That everyday of demanding urges got the better of me

I'm scared of how nonchalant I am about my collapse

It's daunting and I'm undignified

Getting out of bed is becoming harder and harder

Dates are hard to remember

Feelings last longer

But even they run dry when left in the sun

I'm not looking for truths

Just a hand to hold in the rain         

Don't you think using that in any context is a bit cruel?
Especially that one line
And while it can be for someone else to you, you know what it means to me
I guess I just hate knowing that it means so little

It's time for a redirect

Fuck you
This orange is mine















(And I'm not really that hostile about rainbows but it felt nice to say)

Can you repeat that?

I hate my words, I can give you a thousand of them to 'replicate' just the preface of a single kiss, when my lips finally find yours can we be silent for hours

just because we can?

They're all for you now

There's so many things I want to tell you

and it's a montage of words I can't quite verbalize

I've been looking for alternate ways to get this point across

This feeling

This ache

This every minute I've imagined so far

I'm suspended in animation

There's a blockade that can only be chiseled with time

Or demolished with recklessness

And I know the answer is somewhere in-between

But dealing with extremes for so long leaves me conflicted for reasons having nothing to do with the decision my heart has already made

Do I stand

Do I run

Do I sit and wait for a train

On the verge of grasping something within breathing distance

Still fears overtake my body and mind

My very soul

But never my heart, that stays true

It's all anticipation building now

And it expands and conforms itself to me

Molding and shaping me into a bundle of raw nerves begging for release

Does it show

There is the moment

That turned into days 

That preceded months

That lasted years
That became lifetimes

This is how you measure forever