It's not a matter of if or how,
Not so much when either,
Because time is only measured in the (amount of) lifetimes already lived,
And our collision course is imminent,
So cry the tears, and drive the deserted roads late at night
And meet me in that (one) place,
The moment you find the answer is my name whispered back at you

Do you remember...

...It was a drama I think, too adult to matter, it wasn't long but with every click of the rewind button we extended the run time a few minutes longer, we defiled time to avoid seeing the night end, we never did make it all the way through, high on things no bottle or lighter could provide, sugar combined with youth and an endless (storage/supply) of essential silliness, expressed in giggles and mischief and carefree, uninhibited antics, we watched the sun rise and were up in time for pancakes and face paint, our laughter plays on the soundtrack to my childhood...


...Mexico beaches gliding high with dangling feet...
...swings and monkey bars and picnics at parks... 
...falls from treetops with an inch to spare before the collision with asphalt...
...roadtrips...
...dress-up and forts made of blankets on chairs...
...Aladdin and Hook and Beauty and the Beast in theaters...  
...the cast on my arm and soccer with Raven...
...made up dances and concerts and singing along to songs on repeat...
...summer...
...every Halloween and trick-or-treating without supervision...
...LA and reunions and baseball games...
...swimming for hours then eggsalad sandwiches...
... inviting new games with ever changing rules...
...first kisses... 

...I know you do, we really did make those days count

"And it asks about you constantly and I don't know what to say, this heart has got to let me be"

Somebody once carved into my life echos of their presence, reminders of shadows unexplored










(Been loving years at this point, long enough, to know some wrongs and to learn some once, and after all the words I've heard for love, your name just keeps coming up, cause you're someone who has me all consumed, and I'm so confused cause I can't seem to move, and I've been know to idealize yet I see you with true eyes, your faults as plain as day, but what ever reason, your highs and lows I've seen them, I love you just that way, and I long to be someone who gets the best of you, and good things aside I would take the imperfect too, some one who makes you feel the way that I'm consumed, oh, some one who's the only one for you, you say don't wait like it's a choice but nothing else feels right, timing it's a funny thing and it's laughing hard at me, false start, broken heart , swearing that this isn't smart, I don't believe you, at least, at least I don't want to, cause I'm someone who will give my all to you and good things aside I will take the imperfect too, and the way you make me feel I will dare to act a fool, cause I'm someone who's waiting here for you)

Things I've learned in the past year or so

(It's been a long year)

+You can feel someone with all your heart but that doesn't mean it's meant to be

+There comes a time when you forget to remember her everyday and no matter how much time passes there are random things that still bring her to mind

+It's okay to stand up for yourself

+Loving someone should not be something you're ashamed

+Breaking somebodies heart isn't as easy as you thought it was from the other side

+Sometimes you need someone to hold your hand in silence and ignore the tears falling down your face, and sometimes you need someone to wipe them away

+The only way to deal is your way, nobody elses ever helps

+Don’t bring your job home physically or mentally

+Time is only helpful after it has passed

+Letting go doesn't happen with force

+You know you've moved on when it stops living in your dreams, both the night and day
versions

+There really are people out there that can give you butterflies every time they say hello

+Music can strengthen the heart and tear it apart within the same song

+Your heart always knows

+It is possible to be friends with somebody you've have been in love with but only after much time has passed and don't count on it.

+Hearts get broken everyday but not yours so don't compare your pain to others, your hurt is just as valid as any other persons out there

+There is someone that will make you genuinely smile again