"That smile will get you into a lot of trouble"

Those songs that always belong to certain people in our lives
Periods of time embodied in a thumping bass, strokes of the guitar, an enticing voice
Lyrics custom made to memories

Remember our song was on repeat that summer
In my mind it can only be you
And the background to those nights on the coast
As my heart stopped and thundered
The first time your bare skin touched mine

It's lost that edge of meaning after all this time
But there's still the ghost of feeling when it shuffles to my ears

A

Have you ever listened to somebody freely enough to let them change you

My greatest fear was realized that day
I've put a distance here for my own protection
This something in between
It's selfish and wrong by any standard

You see this external shell as something hard and unforgiving
It is
That's all I'm capable of

And everytime I look at you my beautiful baby girl
I see all my mistakes
How I let you down
The better person learns their wrongs
Does it right next time
But next time scares me because I'm not that better person

I see how strong you are
I won't pretend I understand your fight
I push you away so I don't get another chance to destroy this
All second chances are another way for me to hurt you

I'm a secret, again

The stillness is the worst part

When there's things inside rampaging the leftover void
It's numb in here

When the quiet comes the temptation takes over

At least then I know I can feel something

When you're first starting out forever seems endless

You left impossible prints to follow

How is a mere mortal supposed to dream

When I've already lived the fantasy

When The Day Met The Night Panic! At The Disco with Lyrics

You are the moon, I am the sun

I fell in love with the moon

It took me by suprise

Thoughts of you

Leona Naess- Christmas

So cover me but lover please be patient
Loves ancient but not for me
Cause I’m full of love
Yeah I’m full of the above

Like Christmas stays with you
Walk through darkened streets as we lay true
Lights from your heart lead me to you

Still reasoning with time

Snippets and Tidbits

Hints of what we used to enjoy so effortlessly

They wonder how long this can last

Truth is I'd spoon out water from a sinking barge

Just to hear your silence

We'll just use this as a preview of coming attractions

But we'll leave the best parts for the feature presentation

(mixed imagery)

69th post

Time always passes, all we need is time

So we wait

The thought destroys me

But if this is the obstacle life is demanding of us to pass

We shall endure

Remember that conversation

Right before the silence

The irony is wickedly laughing at us

But I still believe in what you said

I still believe in our somedays

I love you, still

I missed you by a minute today

I miss you everyday

It's still here

Right where we were forced to leave it

I'm trying to keep it warm for you

But it's insatiably cold without your voice

I'm still here

How am I always so easy to give up?

There were skittles there, all I could think about was you

Even music isn't drowning out this pain

These fake smiles for everyone else

When I only want to smile for you

I can't even say everything I want, need, to say

You can't hear me

Are you thinking about me too?

All I wanted was you

All I do is sleep now to avoid any and all thoughts of you

Even in sleep you invade my dreams

To numb to even cry anymore

My tears are stuck behind my eyes

Burning me blind

I have a list of all the things we didn't get to do together

It grows by the day

I used to love our lists

Do you ever feel like most your life is spent getting over someone?

I miss you

So fucking much

And my heart still pounded at the sound of your voice today

But I can hear how you have given up

I wanted to say more

But the wind was impossible to deal with

It's illogical but I feel like you put that buffer there

So we couldn't actually have a real conversation

And I'm sorry I yelled

But I'm so frustrated

With the situation

With how I've handled everything

With you

I don't think I ask for much

But this is important

And I know you're going to ignore it

Like everything else you don't want to deal with

Or that is even a little hard

I asked you to just be upfront with me

But that didn't happen

I asked you to believe in me

That one takes time I know

I asked you to tell him everything

I feel like you're going to throw me away instead

Maybe you really do need time to grow up

Why do I always have to let go of the things that mean the most

I'm not going anywhere

I'm still in the same place

But you can't get to me anymore

I'm sure you've lost my location

And all I can do is stand still

I'm begging you to come find me

When the time is right please come find me

Nobody has ever matched my heart like you

Nobody ever will

I will be waiting

It's long but I can handle anything that brings me to you

Do you think that by then you will be able to believe in me?

My heart is having a really rough year

Give Me A Reason To Fight For You

I can't do this alone. I can't carry all of this for us. I know that's fucked to say but I need you to show me you want this. That you want this bad enough to fight this out with me. I know you have the brunt of all this. You deal with it on the home front. But if I do something big. If I take steps to make this work for us I'm risking a whole lot more then just this relationship. And I'll do that if that's what it takes but I need to know you can look at this from my perspective. That you are willing to risk actually talking this out with people and not shutting down when tough questions come up. That you can be honest with people. With us. That's what scares me- I know we can make this work even if there is some time involved and a lot of hard work, but not if you lie or hold things back that need to be said. This is the difference between words and action. Please don't give up now. Even if at the very worst we are in for a long wait please don't give up on us. 

I hate not talking to you. I hate looking at my phone like it's going to ring and somehow let me hear your voice. I hate not knowing what you're feeling and if you are okay. I hate being in this helpless place. I hate not seeing your beautiful face. I hate every fucking thing keeping us apart. But really I just miss you. I love you my

Superwoman.

All of a sudden there's a wall and it has nothing to do with distance or lack of options

My heart is breaking

Tell me this isn't real