When did words stop being enough?

I'm tired of pretending it's okay to be this unhappy. It's time to move on from what I let myself become. To grow up. Clean out the things inside my head I've hated all this time. I can do better then this. I am better then this. Time to stop making lists for the future and start living it now. I'm ready for what I have to do. Remind me of this when I start to doubt, of this feeling right now. There's a goal now, a deadline of sorts. And someone waiting at the other end for me. I don't want to disappoint her. I don't want to let myself down. I'm so afraid(I'm discovering lots of my fears lately) if I keep following this path I'm going to end up a sad miserable person that never did anything with all the things I have. So afraid of failing but I seem to be doing that by default anyway. I've always put on a good show for everyone. My acting ability is better then anyone knows. I keep a hold of these things to cover up my hollow insides. I'm exhausted of holding everything in and putting barriers up to keep everybody else out. It gets lonely in here. So now I'm going to shatter my reinforced shell. Though it won't fall all at once I'll make it there. But please remind me of this when I get scared, discouraged, sidetracked or just plain lazy. I need your help. Please.