Monday, May 2, 2011

Something different


She needed to be here. For the calming effect it brought her. Something to rely on, to get lost in. She needed that too much now. An escape that was only temporary but crucial. No time to let her brain think. To let those feelings in. Distraction.

The sounds were familiar. A repetition to be expected. Cherished. Not a lot of talking, the lack of people at that hour contributing. The sounds came from the movement all around. The shuffling of tennis shoes marking the hardwood floor. Weights clinging again and again as they collided together. The cycling belt on a treadmill looping around at a sprinting speed. The one, two smack every time a hit was landed on the punching bag and the accompanying grunt.

“Alright two more then we’re done.” Roger’s deep voice announced knowing full well the girl would keep going until he told her to quit. as instructed she finished up with the last jab, wiping the dripping sweat away from her eyes with the back of her hand. The tape wrapping her hand scratching her face.

Turning to face the towering man of muscle she allowed her eyes to flicker over his black eyes, the only brief connection she would allow anybody these days. She waited for him to say something else, wanting him to give her more but knowing that would be it for now.

“You’re done for the day. Go get cooled down and get out of here.” To any outsider seeing Roger and hearing those words he would appear to be a toughed, war torn, bitter, old man who was not very fond of the girl. Like things could sometimes be though that appearance was false. She wouldn’t be there if it was even halfway true. He was a selective man when it came to who was allowed in his gym. The place was old and fairly beat up but it was his and he reserved the right to kick anyone he felt like out.

For her part she did everything he demanded of her physically. Her focus was intense and single minded. She was willing to punish her body to every extreme to get it done. That was her intent. She always got it done. Roger made sure to push her to exhausting limits every time he saw her but she never backed down. He feared she never would.

He gave the young girl everything he knew from this place because he couldn’t give her anything else. It was the other things, the things that went deeper then muscle and bone, that he couldn’t help her with. The things that were imprinted on her weary [soul]. In her mind. The scars that had yet to fade even when they disappeared from the naked eye. He knew those only heal when time would let it. Roger had no control over her past and her demons. So her gave her the comfort she chose to find here. Hoping one day she would find her answers in more places then this rundown relic of days forever gone.

The girl obediently finished up like Roger expected. Mourning the end of her time there for the day. She turned on the shower allowing the warm water to pound into her body. Cooling her skin and easing (aching/tight) muscles. She stayed under for awhile wanting to take her time. Delaying the day, hiding away a little longer. Finally getting out she dried off and headed to the lockers. After brushing her long hair into a ponytail she threw on a tank top and an oversized hoodie. A pair of jeans making her presentable to leave.

Sitting on the bench for a minute her eyes clouded over sending her back to another place. Another time. But she didn’t allow herself to stay there long. [She never did./ She already experienced it enough]

Bag slung over shoulder and water bottle in hand so to remember to drink, she headed toward the exit. Before making it to the door Roger’s voice stopped her.

“Hey Darlin, you here tomorrow?” He knew the answer but he asked everyday anyway.

“Yeah. I’ll be here.” Billie nodded.

After only a seconds hesitation Roger added one last comment. “It’s okay not to be here sometimes.”

Billie smiled faintly, at the gesture if not the meaning behind the words. She knew what his rough voice was saying and the worry they were rooted from. It didn’t make a difference.

“Maybe.” Was the only thing she said as she continued out the door. He just nodded his head once, understanding and knowing.

Walking outside the cool morning air hit her as she paused to look around. Not really needing to because he was always in the same spot having his choice of parking because of the early time. She headed towards the SUV that started up when the driver noticed her approach and he unlocked the door as she got close.

The sun had just begun its ascent into the sky that still required headlights to guide the way through the silent city streets. Neither father or daughter said anything. Both allowing the morning routine to play out.

Mark Darlin had always been a person up hours before the sun. Always as far as Billie knew anyway. It would be a habit ingrained in him for life. Developed since his boyhood spent working the family farm where waking up in those early morning hours was a necessity and kept food on the table.

A young Billie had never been on to follow in those particular footsteps of her father’s. She preferred the late night hours favored by her mother. She liked her sleep.

That was a different Billie, one that was lifetimes gone from who she was now, if not in actual time then in experience. Now the mornings found the oldest male Darlin of the household walking into the kitchen to find his daughter waiting at the kitchen table for him to drive her to the gym. Though in her case it wasn’t that she woke up before him but that there wasn’t any sleep from the night before to wake up from.

The first time it had happened he had stubbed his toe in shock at seeing her there. Billie had found the gym in the first few days of moving to L.A. and while he and his wife had easily paid for a membership there they had thought she would go later in the day with her brother.

Billie had other ideas.

Once he had found her that morning she had blankly asked him if he could give her a ride. Confused and not liking her being someplace unknown to him he still agreed. He didn’t think it would last.

That belief changed as day after day he was presented with the same question every morning from his beautiful daughter. He’d talked to Roger that first day and stayed to watch over her. As the days passed by he felt more comfortable leaving her in Roger’s care. He found a bakery nearby the had hot fresh pastries at that time and began bringing the paper or case files he could work on while he waited. He was always back before Billie got out.

He came to expect and accept that it was something Billie needed to do. Something she found to let herself deal with what life had decided to throw at her. He wouldn’t take that away from her. Anything her could do in that regards was never too much to ask.

The drive wasn’t long. Under seven minutes without the traffic and they were pulling into the driveway of their house. [Description of the ‘perfect’ family home?]

Mark watched his daughter gather her bag from the back seat and get out of the car.

“Thanks.” She made sure to say before heading into the house.

The sadness etched on her father’s face as he watched her walk away went unnoticed by the girl as she joined the house just coming to life for the day. Lots of things went unnoticed by the blonde these days. The once complete daddy’s girl barely spoke to him anymore. Even with all his years of training he didn’t know how to get through to her. How to take any of her pain away. He was failing her everyday.

With a shake of his head he removed that look and replaced it with his normal easy smile. Then moved to follow his little girl.

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