I once landed on my wrist so hard the bones came jutting out my skin

Only pins could manipulate it back together

There was a rocking chair I held above my head until I dropped it on my face 

A seventy year old hand binned the flesh to a faint scar 

A basketball rolled and every ligament in my right ankle was torn

Plaster held it in place so time could rebuild

On a dare I held my hand flat over a flame to watch a candle burn out

The ointment cooled the charred appendage   

I never cried

Your words burn behind my eyes

Soldering my heart into a straight jacket

I haven't found the doctor with tools to fix that yet

You write in visuals
I write in emotion
She writes in theory

This isn't what I'm meant to be doing
But you
I have never seen anybody meant to be doing something more

I should have told you a thousand and two times
But I really only needed you to feel it once

I refuse to be sad anymore

Over you

Over her

Over things I somehow think I'm missing out on

Because the reason I'm missing out on them is because I just sit here

I know this and the fact that I'm still here is all on me

Get the fuck up and do something 

Anything

Don't watch as it all goes by when you can be a part of it

That's the only thing to be disappointed about here

Get the fuck over it  

The Things of Change

It's ghosts and shadows
Hints of dreams and faded memories
An affect patterned into my senses
Laying there in wait
The impending build of something unknown

Please don't let her know she still occupies my heart

Life bursting into existence
The brand new taking shaky first steps
Light showers reviving decay
There is only beginnings here, too naive to know about endings

Sun and laughter
The heat of the night chasing warm bodies out under the stars
Eyes glued to blinking lights millions of miles away
Surrounded by the sensitive melody of crickets that silence with the slightest of movement

Shades of color the keep us mesmerized
The wind trying to sweep the streets clean
Long walks holding hands under falling leaves
The beauty covers the death that is already here

The ground becomes one shape
Using shovels to create paths, trying to find a way back
Keeping everything locked tight, avoiding the storm
Snuggled in blankets by fireplaces too entangled to notice

The train shutters across the rails all night
Sleep clinging to the walls, awakened with every bump
Speeding is irrelevant on guided tracks
Every shadow is visible as far behind as there is to look
Watch for miles ahead with every glance
But there's no view to see beneath your own feet
Such a mighty existence to be so alone when filled with people

1, 2, 3
Jump
The fall will hurt
But the train won't notice an empty seat
And you shouldn't be staring out windows your whole life

7/19/2012

I've heard it said that when you find love at first sight time stands still
I'm still waiting for it start again from when I first saw you

Fuck you

I read my fortune cookie today
It told me my deepest dream will come true
It's a kick in the gut because that dream is still you

You don't come around here anymore
I hope with everything I have that that means you finally don't need this place to feel alive

Would you rather someone need you or want you?

There is a difference

Would you trade in your brilliantly beautiful disaster of a mind for a 'normal' life?

I'll try for hours to find the exact words to say that can relieve your pain
But know it's because of the time I spent crafting them and not the actual words that means anything

I don't want TRY when it comes to loving you, I knew the moment I saw you I would never forget you

Sometimes the title is the most important part

It's not just for one girl, each one brought me to this place, I miss them all because they are the parts of me I lost

I want to show you the ocean

When you don't know me anymore, know I'll hear the hint of you in wind and waves, and I'll feel your breath in the rush of a swing, regrets only exist with memory, so don't look back, it's the existence of more that keeps us searching, paint me the words to tattoo the sky, let go of the stars I chased for you, use the rope's scars around my neck as caution marks of withered faith, Hope is off chasing a phoenix of gold, and she's fingering the whole in your heart

does regret exist for something you know you're going to do? 

I love you

No matter how fucked up you think you are

No matter how fucked up I think we are

That is all there is

I feel like I'm vibrating at such high levels everything is slipping through

All I wanted from you was to love me back

And I will never again believe you do 

I guess even I produce expectations impossible to live up to

I'm not above it no matter how high my horse

That's how a tragedy goes I suppose

Does expressing love mean anything

When you doubt the functionality of a heart