I chased you in my dreams

There's a tangible feeling that I can taste on every single bud of my tongue
A moment in time when you see the way she looks at her
It's sitting there
Right there, below my collar bone
Expanding fast enough to expel any breathe I try to gasp onto
It's caught between lifting as a balloon to skies unseen and sinking down to capture fire inside the chest
Close in tight to fend the ache, chase away the rush
She has taken the air and made it too big to (hold in/breathe)

I really don't like the people we've become to each others lives

After all that was between us

But if you think I'm not strong enough to move on without you

You've never really known me at all

You're one of those girls that has always seemed out of my league and it's not that I expect or even want to be with you but that I know you get as much pleasure out of flirting with me as I do with you. After the wreck of my love life lately that is something I look forward to, it's simple and casual and not layered in motives.

Sometimes it really is just that easy

I'm better with words when I'm not speaking them

I try so hard not to

I have run from it

Hid from it

Changed my direction for it

Gutted my heart out just to be able to stand still

Yet still all I can think is

I wish you loved me like I love you 

Fade me back

Explain how you can need to be free and want to be tangled up

Give me explanations I long to hear

Not the realities you puff into my eyes

I fast from you in dangerously mindless increments

Bleeding the memories from my wrists

Choice is no option

And I'm following the high road where the (swells/peaks) invert at random

You don't come around here anymore
I hope with everything I have that that means you finally don't need this place to feel alive

Letters from my future self

Dear You,

You will find the adventure you are looking for and the girl that stays will be worth your wait. Don't beat yourself up too much for not knowing it all, don't beat yourself up for failing. It doesn't change that you are a wonderful person. I need you to know that discovering yourself isn't a moment of clarity but an endless cycle of learning. Ease up on your heart a bit. It knows what it's doing even when it feels broken. Trust that you will find your way to what's meant to be and holding on so tight to things trying to let go just holds everyone back. You can't love someone while holding back, and love can hurt but the reason love is idolized is because it's kinda worth it. Believe. More then anything believe in yourself, believe in everything you know you can do. I believe in you. There are so many people around you that make your life great, cherish that. That's what you should hold onto. You are strong enough for this, all the hard things will eventually be in the rearview mirrior if you just keep on moving. We got this thing...

Love,

Me

There are things I've just know before

But I'm blind, deaf  and dumb when it comes to this new thing

And I that's what I can't get my mind off of

Because I know how useless words really are

My favorite story

There are times when I believe

One day you'll just show up at my door

I will let you in

Unpack your things
And we will be home 

Today has been a really weird day... I don't know how to feel or act or think.

I stopped myself today

And I have to keep reminding myself that is a good thing

There's good things in this day
And I smiled

It's going to be okay

I'm going to be okay

I know this

I'm just a little sad right now

It's where you wanted to be

(or do not want to be)

And I'm honestly just tired of fighting it all

Everything I should have said or needed to, have left my lips

I still hate this part

Learning not to care seemed so hard once
Then there came a learning spurt
Suddenly I'm trying to remember how

Would you rather someone need you or want you?

There is a difference

There's a comfort in something I haven't found yet

That more then anything else is what I long for

Endless longings for nameless places

There was a catch in her tone when she said 'please go'

And that is the where my dreams lay before sleep

From places far past here

There was a breeze against my face

I still smell you on my skin