I can still taste the skittles on your lips

Today is not the best day

Really it hasn't been a very good year

But still I can't regret it because it brought me you

I have things I worry about

Questions, about me and what the fuck I'm doing

Some things from yesterday that still collapse my heart

I'm still struggling through this

And it's a lie that I'm strong because some days the only thing I can do is not disappear

I'd ask you to help in that but it makes me feel weak and I already am that to often 

I wonder if you'll be okay when I'm never fully able to tell you it all

That those things inside me don't communicate consistently 

Please don't turn away when I direct my words to destroy

I use them to deflect and hide and I'm going to hate myself for it

But I know better to think I'm above my faults

There is all of this and more that I refuse to voice

And it's distracting at best

But it's not all I am 

So I see what my heart feels, and I trust what my heart sees

 And I let you in despite my terror

It's the way I fight for you, by not giving in completely to my destructive tendencies 

You are meant for me

And I can make every mistake in the world

But messing us up won't be one of them 

So I can't wait for this year to be over

But you're the part of it I'm keeping for the years that follow