I don't feel safe with you anymore

(More Half Finished Thoughts)

Who knows if I made the right choice

But I made it

That counts for something... right?

Illusions seem to surround me

I thought of you today
You seem so scared of the happiness

Stop trying to make it okay for everyone else and just be it

She's your reason

There's a certain numbness and a certain joy, they coexist here today

I think it might be fake too

I find it bizarre that nothing seems to surprise me

This of all things should have left me stunned

Instead I'm just a bit sad, a little impressed, and oddly accepting

Like this was inevitable and I was just playing along until the end

But even now this isn't an end

I always have trouble letting go

I'm sorry you hate me

It's something I would change if I could

But you don't listen to anything but your own pain

And all we do is talk in circles

I'm sure I could give into you, at least some

But you won't budge for me

You wanted to wait

I'm sick of waiting

I wonder if someday you"ll understand

If you let go because you're so certain you'll mess it up

You're going to mess it up

It's easy to love someone

The hard part is letting them love you back

I've thought about deleting this stuff too

But someone once told me to never throw any of it out

Even if you messed it up

So I'm leaving it to remind me

Of what I haven't figured out yet

We're not totalled

But we're not okay either

No matter what I let you think

I still see a forever

Just maybe not in this life