I'm still figuring out what to do with you

All those girls, my trust in the last one, making demands for the things they want.. or don't want, you're not the person I expect to make me feel this way, but then you are the first, you are the the one with the most history, but you know all the secrets, all the pain I've been through and why, you've been an eyewitness as I came limping in with the remnants of my heart bleeding between my fingers, you say I'm worth more then they have ever offered but you expect me to settle for second or even third rate, you tell me my feeling are wrong, you're urging me to go back in a direction that doesn't threaten this place you've carved out in me for yourself, you want me to be happy, as long as it's the way you want me to be happy, and you're wrong about the person I spent years getting over, and I think you know where that truth belongs, you have him, but you want me too be what he isn't for you, you like me alone, you like when I'm broken, because you're who I come to when I can't breathe, you give me air, but it's laced with intent, you say I deserve more but all you've ever let me have is words too drunk to be real, when I'm too sober to for it to matter, you question my judgement, I question your motives, the life we belong together isn't this one, we've know that since we figured out what this meant, there's a turning in my gut that hasn't left, just adding layers to my reinforced skin

Do you remember...

...It was a drama I think, too adult to matter, it wasn't long but with every click of the rewind button we extended the run time a few minutes longer, we defiled time to avoid seeing the night end, we never did make it all the way through, high on things no bottle or lighter could provide, sugar combined with youth and an endless (storage/supply) of essential silliness, expressed in giggles and mischief and carefree, uninhibited antics, we watched the sun rise and were up in time for pancakes and face paint, our laughter plays on the soundtrack to my childhood...


...Mexico beaches gliding high with dangling feet...
...swings and monkey bars and picnics at parks... 
...falls from treetops with an inch to spare before the collision with asphalt...
...roadtrips...
...dress-up and forts made of blankets on chairs...
...Aladdin and Hook and Beauty and the Beast in theaters...  
...the cast on my arm and soccer with Raven...
...made up dances and concerts and singing along to songs on repeat...
...summer...
...every Halloween and trick-or-treating without supervision...
...LA and reunions and baseball games...
...swimming for hours then eggsalad sandwiches...
... inviting new games with ever changing rules...
...first kisses... 

...I know you do, we really did make those days count

You're my favorite 'what might have been'

I'm so proud of the person you are, the person you will become, and the person you have always been. My luck was confirmed that day life let me share a blanket with you and every day that followed where you kept me around. I lives you always.

I left these everywhere so you could find them.