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I just need to get away from you for awhile

I spent days trying to convince myself not to call you

It's all a trick

I loved you so much
But not enough to know how to be happy

I'm so afraid that the lazy words of I love you stripped from my tongue
Are not enough to keep the blade from your skin

You're still looking for the words to save you
No matter how fake they rasp off my tongue

Like and Other Four Letter Words

Love. And fuck, both roar and bare. Mind. Body. MINE. Fate. Feel. Deep, as in, side. Jump at your whim. Mate. Date. Pain, the good kind. Bend over knee. Take, home. Live. Pair. Rain with bows and move of the ment. Fast beat, slow burn. Want. Need. Bite. Hard. Hand in Hand. Jail plus bait. Sins. The fall. Long time to come, Keep. Beat that.

I stayed a long time, waiting for you to come back around for me
I gave up the things I once used to describe myself
I forgot what I was hoping for
And you showed up again like not a day had passed since you left me stranded
And I realized you never had plans to return again
I guess there was a pleasure I developed in thinking you were suffering with me
More then I actually cared that you were gone

If only you could see how many times you still show up in my life to this day and I'd beg you to leave if I thought you still listened.

I won't become bitter

And I won't blame because there's no winner here

It's just time to move on

And that's okay

Because this did mean some thing once

You will always be my taste of the rainbow

And I'll always care

Just from a distance now

I don't think I deserve to be the one that cries anymore

It's just routine now

And I don't know how to explain that 

Sometimes I understand intimately all the directions your mind flows

Then there are the times you make no sense that I can compare to

We're not this or that

And fuck you 

But don't ever stop loving me

Please 

I need reassurances you don't know how to give

They were seeing her through my eyes of love

Didn't you know?

I do understand you

Maybe not completely 

Not in every way

But better then the ways you think 

We can't just redo the way we were

And we never knew how to be anything different

You taste so good

I can retreat back into you without a thought

Yet I know you use my shelter because you're scared of what's out there

Not because that's where you want to be

And I encourage that because I crave the hero attention

Which isn't fair to you because you don't need a savior

Just the confidence of what you have inside

I didn't hold back honesty, just made up my own versions

And I don't think you've ever told me truths, just things you thought I wanted

We are this

Just this

And you are deep inside me

In ways left unnamed

But I'm still searching for the broken pieces of me to paste back together

You're the watching of my favorite movie on worn out VHS tape
The static during the opening scene
Familiar in it's imperfection
You ingrained yourself into the replay value of my memories

You're the passage from the book with dogeared edges and wrinkled pages
I stared down the words as goose bumps raised my flesh, mouthing every word

You're the playing of that lonely album
I never learned an instrument or how to hit a vocal high
But give me an hour and I'll feel out every chord, sound out every note
You dance in my dreams to the pounded out sounds

You're the scrape of this pen, the tap of these keys
As I manipulate thoughts to paper
Rushing of emotion aimed at a point
Journals full of things labeled 'you'

You're hiding in every outlet I have
Escape just binds me closer to you

Double Play

I've know there's something about you since you first came along

And I spent a long time trying to tame the urge to shout it out to everyone I met

But I am selfish

I didn't want people to know all the things you are

Because they would take you away from me

And I wanted so bad to keep you

I'm sorry

All eyes are staring at the clown in me

But they're seeing this smile upside down

You can't see behind this painted on image

Is it funny now?